Yes, we have all been there. We have all felt hurt and betrayed by another person at some point in our lives: our feelings were hurt and our trust was broken. What happens then most of the times is we get trapped in those negative emotions. That cycle of anger and pain lasts for too long, causing us to ruin other aspects of our lives, especially when it comes to create new beauty in our relationships and open ourselves to new experiences and people.
So how can we move on?
There are a few things I have learned the hard way, when I decided to finally forgive loved ones after carrying around a lot of anger for years and after reaching the point of blaming them for the life I didn’t have. Forgiveness has allowed me to improve my relationship with them and, most importantly, allowed me to move on to a better place.
I know what you think. Ah. Easier said than done. We can at least try to learn how to let go of the pain we have been holding onto. Here are a few tips that I would like to share with you:
NOT ALL F WORDS ARE THE SAME
Forgive does not mean forget. There is a huuuuge difference here. Forgiving and trust are separate issues. Forgiving someone does not mean that you will instantly trust that someone again. When you forgive someone, it does not mean you will pass over their behaviour and that you are going to condone any further abuse or lack of respect. Even if you fully forgive someone, you don’t have to keep that person in your life. And this leads me to the second point.
FORGIVENESS IS A GIFT YOU GIVE YOURSELF
Most of the time we get stuck thinking that forgiveness is something we are doing for the person who wronged us. When we are forgiving, what we are actually doing is gifting us with this amazing emotional and mental freedom. Forgiveness is the gift you give yourself, not a gift you give someone else. Most of us experience resentment towards themselves for feeling fooled. I hear those voices inside of you: “OMG How could I have been so naive and stupid??”. Forgive yourself.
YOU HAVE CONTROL ON YOUR ACTIONS
After forgiving yourself, whatever approach you will use to forgive the person, the most important step is willingness. You have to be willing to forgive. Once you will truly think “I’m ready and willing to forgive” you will start seeing everything change. Willingness makes you realise you have a choice. You cannot control the actions of others and it’s not worth to try. What you CAN do is controlling your actions, your emotions and your thoughts. This acknowledgement will create a major shift in energy from “Oh, I just can’t do it” to “I have the power to decide”. You can stop reliving the hurt, and can choose to move on. You have this power.
THE BLAME-TRAIN HAS REACHED THE FINAL DESTINATION
I was on, what I call, the complain and blame train for way too long. It is just the way we, as humans, are made: we start blaming others when we are not fully ready to forgive. We blame them for the pain and everything we can’t have from our expectations. What if the pain and misery they brought in our lives came to make us grow and evolve? Ain’t nuthin’ but a G thang: gratitude is something you have to start partnering with right now. Start exercising the power of finding the good in every situation. Every horrible experience is an opportunity to strength our soul and generate greatness. So after the initial anger and bitterness, ask yourself: what can I learn from this and how can I grow from this? Expect the wise answers to come and set yourself free.
Now, I would love to hear from you. Have you ever struggled or are you still trying to forgive someone? If you succeeded, what has worked for you? Let me know in the comments below. I am really looking forward to hearing your voice on this topic.